Choosing our responses.

Illustration: “By Heart” by Fay Weldon

An Uneasy Autumn.

Recently a friend of mine saw me post this image—a favorite of mine representing both myth and philosophy—and asked me something to the effect of: “I don’t understand why it’s hard to push a boulder up?”

Why does it have to be so hard indeed.

Looking back over these last few months, there has been a lot of joy. But there has been a lot of sorrow too. Tragically losing a childhood friend. The ending of a relationship. A father who had to endure multiple surgeries. A multitude of reorgs and a massive layoff. It’s been challenging.

But in that too, there has been a lot of great things that came out of those unfortunate events. Families and friends came together to celebrate a life well lived. A new lifelong friend and kindred soul was found. A father who’s healing and getting better. And a community that has come together to support one another during a very challenging economic time.

Running up that hill.

I wrote this piece "The Struggle is Real" way back in 2015 when, after having finally climbed my way out of the impacts of the 2008 Recession, found that at the top of that pit was the edge of another: my mother’s diagnosis with Stage 4 Cancer.

There, so suddenly and so quickly, went our brief hope of finally turning away from generational poverty. What we’d managed to finally score in life would end up going to ensure we could save hers.

And it was during this difficult time that by reframing the aforementioned pit instead as a hill to climb, that we found our path forward.

I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy. - Albert Camus

I don’t share this lightly, and especially not as a woe-is-me. I do share it—with humility and vulnerability—because I hope what helped me through that difficult despair might have the off chance in helping others in this difficult time. Life is a struggle, no matter how we slice it. And let’s face it. With the years of pandemic, social injustice and unrest, difficult economic landscape, and global conflicts, it’s been a lot of struggle.

And while that’s a lot of daily opposition outside of our control, what I’ve come to learn is that there is one thing in spite of it all that we can control: our responses and the meaning we make together in the face of struggle.

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. - Viktor E. Frankl

That is not to say we should veer into toxic positivity, but more that in acknowledging life is damn hard sometimes (a lot of times), we can rather lean into "tragic optimism" and still find meaning in even the hardest of times. (I promise you, "tragic optimism" is a lot better than it sounds.)

I’d always had a predisposition for philosophy, and even if I could not call myself a philosopher, I enjoyed writing, talking, and thinking about it. During that time in 2015, I was fortunate to have read and studied enough philosophy to help orient myself through a time where control felt nigh impossible.

What I wrote back then to cope isn’t nearly as cogent as one I’d go on to write a few weeks after. It is, however, an aggregate of quotes and perspectives I appreciated and reflected upon when faced with times of struggle, difficulty, and change.

These perspectives certainly helped during that challenging time. Looking back upon the piece, I find it still relevant for today.

Does philosophy absolve the challenges we have-and-will face?

No. It does not.

But does it help us reframe the courage we find in ourselves, the courage we might share with one another while we face these challenges?

It sure does.

For all the uncertainty micro and macro, we’ll do it together. And like with most things in life: grace, gratitude, and grit will help us show the way.

It certainly helped my mom then.

It still helps her and us to this day.*

*Also, a shoutout to my sister who was instrumental to, well honestly, everything related to my mom’s care and well-being.